Shadow of a Smile
by D.G.Arrow
Summary: A look inside the minds of the Ravager's crew and what they might have thought about Nihilus. Includes, briefly, the Exile's attack. OneShot


This is a one-shot based upon when the Exile boards the Ravager. I felt that the soldiers were overlooked and wanted to explore what they would think if they could. I imagined that they both hated and loved Nihilus for enslaving them but giving them meaning. So yeah...

Disclaimer: I don't own KOTOR or its characters. Although I do own a very nice HK-47 wallpaper.

Go HK! Go Nihilus!

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Shadow of a Smile

How long has it been? The Ravager cruises through space, stripped of its 'skin' and showing its frail skeleton to all. The ship creaks beneath our unmoving feet, groaning its protest. Its wish to die. For that is what all on this ship wish for, death. That is, everyone save Him.

You see our master has only one wish, one allegiance. One purpose to which He is so devoted. So devoted that He raised this very ship from the depths of that cursed place. That crushing power called a planet.

He is a hunter. A relentless hunter, stalking His prey to the edge of the galaxy and perhaps beyond. So great is His hunger, His need for that which only his prey can give Him.

But though blinded by, and helpless to, that hunger the master is still so... there. His presence is felt by all. His very voice, a cacophony of terrible and yet strangely beautiful sounds. A haunting melody that rips through the fabric of time and space. A spoken word from our master can bind and choke a stronger man, and outright kill a lesser one.

A mere wave of His hand and armies kneel before Him, so great is His power. We fear and worship our master, trapped aboard the bridge of this long expired vessel, gazing at His unholy but magnificent form. We never see His face. We cannot, and perhaps that is best. For so unholy is He.

We have seen men lose their sanity as our master whispers in their minds. He whispers similarly to us. The tongue in which He speaks we do not know, but the way in which He speaks it, that we know too well. A soft but powerful voice, carried through our minds as if riding a breeze.

A seductive whisper that draws us back from the lulls of that which lies beyond life. He reaches out to us with His spirit, torn and twisted though it is. We feel He is there, a chilling caress at the back of our collective mind. Yet when we fight, refuse Him, His grip tightens and He punishes us. Tears away another part of our being to feed His insatiable hunger.

Our lives are His. Even in un-life He holds sway over us, unlike the other. The only living being aboard this ship. That woman, the alien. But do not be mistaken, He holds sway over her as well, but she can sever her tie. She may leave if she chooses, though it would do her no good. Our feared and beloved master would hunt her, drain her, kill her. Shred her life force with merely His thoughts.

Yet still, we loathe her for her freedom. She who may move and speak and leave should she choose. We are merely the silent onlookers, a part of the ship our master breathes life into. For this we fear and hate Him. But for the same reason we love and worship him.

We wish to die. But to die would be nothingness. Empty, devoid of anything. We wish to be at peace, but we also know that should that peace be granted we are alone. We would be trapped. But while we are with our master He protects us in return for our lives. Our very life essence.

How long has it been? How long since we were summoned to our master's side? Drawn by His incalculable power. His hunger. His lust for the very force he has wounded.

Again the woman approaches, but now she is joined by others. Our master turns to face them, we can feel his anticipation. His longing to drain them. Wring the life from them. He shall decimate them, cast them to the ground and they shall crumple like ragdolls.

And yet He does nothing. We are confused. Master, why do you not destroy them? The human speaks, a Jedi. She bears a lightsaber. Our master knows this too. He sees the force flowing around her. At last He reaches out and the enemies are paralysed, frozen still at our master's mercy.

He reaches again, this time with His mind, we can feel it through our connection. Reaching deep into the mind and soul of the Jedi. But something is wrong. Our master is repelled, thrown back. Our minds sear with white hot pain as He writhes. His power is stripped from Him.

We do not understand. Why does this woman affect Him so? Is she a wound as He is? Can she not be drained? Our master tries to kill her with His lightsaber, but to no avail. He is struck down by three weapons at once. His screams of agony fill our minds and our connection is broken.

We are broken. We fall one by one, succumbing to nothingness. His body disappears as our eyes close.

I awaken, alone and empty. A world of nothing, but everything. Death.

Shadows cloak my form as I lie still, unwilling and unable to move. My spiritual body is nothing. A shell. So long have I served Him, that without Him I am hollow. His presence is torn from me, and I am left defenceless. Naked. No longer one with the Ravager, with Him. Now, I am... me. I do not recall...wait, yes. It is there, on the edge of my memories.

My name... I remember.

But oh, to be trapped in such a place with no escape. Death is truly a terrible thing. I remember my life, my un-life. Black liquid slips from my eyes and my soul screams into the abyss.

I scream. For Him. For my Lord, Nihilus.

I scream for Him, beg him to take me back, to rescue me from this purgatory. But, I remember, my master is dead. Still I weep shadows as the abyss chokes me, squeezing non-existent air from imaginary lungs.

I sink further. The shadows swallowing me whole. My spirit battered and splintered. My sightless eyes drift upwards, glimpsing nothing.

And yet, a tiny speck far off. A dot far blacker than anything around me. Blacker than the shadows in which I drown. Blacker than the inky liquid that stains my cheeks.

It is Him. He yet lives! My master! My torn and lifeless heart seems to jolt into life for a brief moment. Icy fingers wrap around me and I feel safe. How foolish was I to wish this cruel existence upon myself? I reach out to Him with all that remains of my being, wholly accepting an eternity of servitude if only to escape this prison.

The gap in my spirit fills and once more I hear Him whisper to me. And I know that none can kill my master. None, not even that Jedi who so wounded Him. How He lives I do not know, and I do not care. I am safe, and as my eyes close that is all that matters. I feel the connection again, then all is dark.

Our eyes open, memories slip away again and our names are lost once more to history. No longer do we stand upon the Ravager, but the surface of a barren world. We look to His presence and see Him, standing tall. As terrible and beautiful as ever. He turns to us and speaks. We understand not the words. But His orders are clear. He turns away and we remain, gazing upon Him as one.

A spark flickers somewhere and as we gaze at Him we are thankful. Our tormentor, our saviour.

And, drinking in the form of our... no, my, Lord Nihilus, my most beautifully unholy Lord Nihilus. Lips quirk upwards. Just a fraction. Just for a second.

A shadow of a smile.

* * *

So... Good? Bd? Terrible? Requests are accepted, blah blah blah. I might try HK next... Yes. I like the quirky/Homicidal/Psychotic characters.


End file.
